How to Create Family Goals With A Free Goal-Setting Toolkit

Inside: Coming up with family goals can seem daunting and overwhelming. Learn the importance of goal-setting and with a growth mindset, create goals for your family by using this Free Goal-Setting Toolkit when you sign up for our weekly newsletter.

The Importance of Goal-Setting

When I was in school, I had many classes that talked about the importance of goals. I loved the concept of having a goal, but honestly, my perfectionism played a huge role in being terrified of them. I had no idea it was actually a fear called atychiphobia. It’s tied to a fear of failing. Through life experiences, being a parent, and honestly, doing the work I do at Prenda, I’m slowly understanding that failure is how the brain learns and grows, and, sometimes, after failure, it’s when it does its best work. 

For years, I avoided setting goals because of the fear of not achieving them. I realize now that I had it all wrong. With a growth mindset, I have slowly learned the end goal isn’t always what I should be striving for but rather I should enjoy the process along the way. 

Once I got over my mind trash about personal goal-setting, I started to explore goals for my whole family. In Prenda microschools, students start each school year and each day setting goals for academic success which is such a great way to introduce this concept. It’s not hard to continue this practice at home. 

Family Goals are proven to: 

• Help see the future
• Move the needle forward
• Break down challenges into achievable bite-size pieces
• Give purpose and get things done

Family Goals vs. Family Values

In my search to create a strong family connection, I found that values should not only be talked about and lived out, but written down, talked about, and reflected upon. To help you do that, I created a family values kit for you to download and use with your kids.

The question I wanted to answer was, "How are goals different from values?" Another question I had was, "Are family goals secondary or added fluff to identifying values?"

The truth is that family goals AND family values are both helpful and can have a huge impact on a child’s development. 

According to Lori Eisner, Ph.D. of Needham Psychotherapy Associates, LLC,  “When we think about HOW we want to live our life, we are focusing on values. Values are like a compass that keep us headed in a desired direction and are distinct from goals. Goals are the specific ways you intend to execute your values. A goal is something that we aim for and check off once we have accomplished it.” 

Being compassionate is a value. Saving up to go on a service trip is a goal. The difference is that family values are the glue that binds the family together and are core principles.

Goals, on the other hand, are the objectives we look to achieve.

Family goals are tangible and typically require specific actions. This connection is imperative. When you set goals, they are going to stem from your current family values. If not, it could send confusing signals to your kids’ developing brains and minds. 

Why Setting Family Goals Is Important

When a group of people all work together to achieve a goal, it typically brings them closer. We see this in our microschools as the students are guided to create a strong Community. We see this in a work environment where goals and OKRs  are set to ensure everyone is on the same page and working towards the same thing. Setting goals for a family helps the individuals not only create stronger bonds but can help the members find purpose and find an individual sense of belonging.

According to Harvard Business Review, "Research shows that it’s easier to achieve our goals when we’re not trying to go it alone."

This can be applied to the family as it creates a strong bond and gives a layer of accountability. Have you ever told your child you are going to do something but then not do it? In our house, nine out of ten times, I am reminded of that thing and my kids ensure it gets done!

Family goal-setting promotes autonomy which we know from the self-determination theory that it’s linked to human motivation and behavior. This theory represents a broad framework of human motivation that unpacks how all people have a need for autonomy, relatedness, and competence.

For more about self-determination theory, listen to this podcast episode: Giving Kids More Control, A conversation with Dr. Bill Stixrud

Lastly, setting goals is a life skill your kids will thank you for instilling in them as they grow into adults.

What Are Family Goals?

When I first thought of goals that my whole family would set, I was thinking it would be something we wanted to work towards yearly. Then I recalled all those past New Year's Resolutions and yearly goals set in school that were thought of and vanished within weeks. This helped me come up with a more manageable way of creating family goals that could be set more often so they could be thought of more often!

Also, it added more boxes to check off for this checklist junkie!

The best way to set a family goal is for it to be "SMART," which stands for specific, measurable, attainable and agreed upon, realistic, and time. This is what a SMART goal looks like for families:

1. Specific | State exactly what you want to achieve or accomplish.
2. Measurable | There needs to be a starting point and ending point and a way to measure the growth. 
3. Attainable (and I'm adding...Agreed Upon) | Your goals need to be something that everyone agrees upon and that can be achieved together.
4. Realistic | Make sure the goal is something that you can actually achieve, even if it is a “stretch” goal. Look at your resources to see if it’s doable. 
5. Time | Set a certain amount of time in which you want to see a result. THIS is where I start to let the atychiphobia creep in, so I have given myself a little more breathing room for this one! 

When to Set Family Goals

The absolute best time to get started on your family goals is RIGHT NOW! Okay, maybe not this exact moment, as you may be at a doctor's appointment, relaxing on the couch, or sitting at your child's soccer practice.

If you're not having Family Meetings, I'm really not sure what you're waiting for! Simply get together with your family regularly and engage about rules, your event calendar, affirmations, values and now....GOALS!

Carve out a meeting where setting goals is the only thing you focus on so that it doesn't take extra long. Instead, approach creating goals as being something super exciting! Although I (and everyone at Prenda) discourage rewards for motivation, make achieving the goal the reward! And celebrate the heck out of it when you do. Dancing is always welcomed around here as you'll see towards the end of this video! 

4 Steps To Setting (and Achieving!) Your Family Goals

I'm all about embarking on a new journey to create goals for my family as long as I have a plan to get me there (and I know that I can be successful…okay, I’m working on this part). Setting goals can be fun and simple!

I have broken the process down for you in this free Family Goal-Setting Toolkit.

Take these steps, and you'll look back after a few months and be so proud of your accomplishments. Or you'll look back and find where you need to improve to continue moving forward. For this to be successful, make sure everyone weighs in on the goals you choose. This isn't a top-down, parent-to-child kind of exercise. It's collaborative!

Step 1: Discover Your Family Goals

Start with a plan. To come up with a list of goals, I suggest starting with three main categories.

Here are some questions that can help guide you to figure out what you want to make goals around (adapted from Bitz n' Giggles):

1. What are some challenges your family faces?

‍Ask your kids what kind of challenges they face as a family, and think about what you think the challenges are as well. 

Example: Technology is a huge challenge in our family. Our boys love to play video games, but their personalities change, their behavior gets big and intense, and they don’t want to do anything else. This is not only a challenge but a common battle. 

2. What areas of family life do you want to do better? 

Example: Getting out of the house on time without being told to put shoes on 1,000 times would reduce frustration and angst for everyone involved. 

3. What are some things you would do if you had more free time?

Example: If your child is in a learning environment like a Prenda microschool, he or she may have a lot of extra time at home with no homework and with a shorter school day. With all that free time, think about what you can do as a family to create a stronger connection or get important tasks accomplished. 

4. What does everyone like to do more than anything else?

Example: I love to hike, my husband loves to ride dirt bikes, and the boys love to camp. We can find a common goal that incorporates all three of these activities.

5. What are some things your family has always wanted to do but are afraid to try?

Example: Travel the world on a sailboat! I'm kidding, as that is not currently realistic for our family. But it could be something like “Travel to Costa Rica to see the rainforest” or “Hike the Grand Canyon.” 

6. What motivates everyone in the family?

Example: Being in charge motivates one of our sons, so a goal would be to learn leadership skills and put the new skills into action.

Step 2: Write Your Goals Down

Be as specific as you can about what you want to accomplish as a family. 

If the goal is to overcome the challenge of technology, break it down to include what kind of technology this includes, such as tablets, iPads, computer, and/or television. The specific goal could be to develop self-control which can be broken down even more with what that looks like for each individual child. You can add to it by including how much time can’t be spent on technology to ensure other brain-building activities are being done. 

Step 3: Create an Action Plan

After identifying the goal, brainstorm ways you can achieve the goals together. 

I suggested answering the questions below (if applicable) for every goal you set. I make this super easy to do in the free Family Goal-Setting Toolkit. To illustrate how easy this is, I have provided answers to the questions using the "manage technology better" goal.

1. What steps need to be taken to reach this goal? Do we need to work on something every day, weekly, monthly?

Family goal example: Together, we need to come up with activities everyone wants to do that don’t involve technology so we’re not tempted to want to get on a device and stay on it for multiple hours every day. This goes for us parents, too, as this is something we are all working on together. Then, we can decide how much time everyone can handle before flipping their lids. Lastly, let’s come up with tools that could be used to accomplish this, like screen time apps or kitchen timers. 

2. What will the achievement of this goal look like?

Family goal example: Everyone can adhere to the timeframes they decide upon, this could help measure self-control. 

3. What are some obstacles we will most likely face? And how will we overcome them?

Family goal example: Friends who don’t have screen limitations can overcome this by talking to their friends or their parents about how this is a family goal. Offer to bring other activities or games so there is no temptation. Work requires adults to use the computer or phones, so we can limit other usage on devices like deleting social media apps. 

4. How long should this goal take to achieve?

Family goal example: Let's work on being consistent for one week with the goal of reaching one month. The kids will need to focus on turning off technology ON THEIR OWN, and the adults will need to work on keeping phones in a separate room during dinner and family time.

5. How will accomplishing this goal make us feel?

Family goal example: Regulated and joyful! We would feel supportive of each other and be happier! There won't be as much anger, annoyance, and frustration over technology usage.

Step 4: Reflect on Your Goals

This is a step that is often skipped when setting family goals. However, it's one of the most important parts because it helps determine if you were successful or not.

If you didn’t achieve the goal, it gives you more goals to work on! Failure is how we learn (as I keep reminding myself)!

Here are some reflection questions to ask yourselves:

1. How did we do well? 
2. What are some of the outcomes we are proud of? Is our achievement dance-worthy? 
3. Where could we improve?
4. What would have made us more successful?

60-Day Goal-Setting Action Plan

Once all the planning of your goals is finished, it’s time to get to work!

This is where the 60-Day Plan comes into play.

A lot of goal-setting tools I saw used a 90-Day Plan, but I have young kids, and their attention spans are small and sometimes nonexistent. Honestly, 60 days may be too much to set goals for any family, so you could do check-ins every week or during the halfway point. Customize and individualize the plan to meet your unique needs. 

I made this part super easy for you! On the 60-Day goal-setting worksheet, you will list the main goals you want to reach on one side and all the tasks or mini-goals you need to do to get to your end goal. AND there are checkboxes! My fave! I suggest focusing on 2-3 goals at a time. Any more than that may be too overwhelming if you're anything like me. However, if you are a GOAL-GETTER and so are your kiddos, then you can aim higher.

A tip I heard once from Jon Acuff, the author of Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done, is to cut your goals in half. It's much more attainable and less defeating. 

Struggling to find a goal to work towards?

If you look at all the questions and steps and find it too hard to define your own goals, I got you covered! Simply check out the cheater's goal-setting sheet with a list of family goal ideas that promotes connection, positive family culture, and productivity. There are a lot of family goal examples listed to get you started. This will cut down the planning time. Your family can peruse that list to pick a goal you want to work on and add to the 60-Day Action Plan.

Go Set Your Family Goals

What are you waiting for? Download the Family Goal-Setting Toolkit by subscribing and filling out the form below. Then, print it out, get, ready and set those goals!